Heya!

This is my first entry here, and as such it's most likely going to be a disorganized amalgam of different ideas. I intend this place to be somewhere where I can go to out my sorrows to the world. It's more a method of self-expression than anything else. Even calling it a "blog" is iffy to me since I don't know if I'll have enough interesting topics to ramble about so that this page doesn't turn into a glorified public journal. Of course, any significant life updates will be here as well, most likely for me to look back on, but also for anyone that might have stumbled into here!

As such, I obviously should talk about my situation right now. I'm a 19 year old Romanian computer science student nerd, who in August 2024 moved abroad to the Netherlands with his wonderful partner. We went to a lot of trouble to be here and endured a lot, that in retrospective was absolutely not worth it. We sacrificed a lot, and ultimately, were unlucky as pretty much everything that could go wrong did go wrong. We made a tough choice together and decided to not continue any further here. This is for many reasons, but mostly because my family's situation deteriorated and I could not accept putting them through such struggles. I decided to drop out, move back, and get a CS degree somewhere in Romania.

Our rental contract lasts untill May 1st of this year, and so I decided it would be better to return to the Netherlands, work here full-time to make up for as much lost money as possible, and then get back the deposit for this rental. My partner, and especially her family, didn't agree with her staying here, since life is much more expensive; I don't blame them. As such, I am alone right now, in a shitty overpriced rental in bumfuck nowhere that makes my skin crawl when I see it, working as a courier in Amsterdam full time. It's been a month now of being alone with my thoughts, and the one thing that became clearer and clearer in my mind is that I need to make something of my own. Certain ideas which I plan to add to this site crystallized day by day in my mind during those endless hours of biking through Amsterdam (a fantastic city, despite my spite), and this is the result. The loneliness helped, in an ironic way. I hope to look back at these months as the kick in the ass I needed to get shit done instead of procrastinating it forever.

I would also be remiss if I didn't mention my two biggest inspirations for this site's form. First of all, I want to thank the wonderfull Mollystars, whose website reminded me of the existance of this wonderful place and wonderful community that is Neocities. Their work has an incredible level of quality, and their Device Theory series rekindled my obsession with DELTARUNE after a long time, in the perfect moment. On multiple days now, I've listened to this series, taking in the depth of it all, while on my excruciatingly long daily train rides. For what is worth, this DELTARUNE nerd is 101% convinced that we'll see confirmation of the Device Theory in the next release. To conclude, thank you for the passion you put into your projects! You were the biggest inspiration for me to write my own thoughts on the game down. That's something I did in any free minute I had during work, and which finally helped me get my act together and start this project. Forever thank you!
I also want to mention one of my favorite content creators out there, Aztrosist. I found her content through Sleep Deprived, as many probably did, but I adore her solo work and especially her music. I'm bringing her up because when I first saw her site, it left such an impression on me, that I decided that even if I could make something 0.1% as good as that, then I'd've finally scratched that creative itch in my mind. Her website is too good in too many ways for my sleep deprived (hah) brain to explain. Check her content out, it's amazing! Also, stream Lilac Boy and Insect Christmas!!! Random sidenote: I made my first ever bleached tshirt not long ago, with one of it's main designs being the cover art for her album ZZZ! (as well as some DELTARUNE brainrot for good measure, of course)
I don't expect either of them to ever reach this corner of the internet, but if somehow you did, know you made the biggest difference in the worst time for this random stranger online!

For now, I'll end this entry, as it's 3AM and I'm working tomorrow. Thank you, readers, for taking time out of your day to read about little old me! All the best, Steph <3

Last song listened: Chrysantemum, Lilac Boy